In both business and life, we regularly have to deal with difficult people. That’s just life (and business). Often difficult people are out of our control; their bad behaviour, bad mood or unreasonable expectations are often not things we can totally control. However, how we respond – that we can control.
Before I start on how to manage difficult people, I do want to make mention that there are a few things we can do (particularly in business) to avoid these situations, namely:
- Communicate clearly what you offer as a business, what clients can expect (or not) and how things work. That’s called ‘managing expectations’ and if done well, it not only reduces the angst clients might feel (and onforward to you) but it also makes for great customer service.
- Have a FAQ page on your website and communicate how you look after clients. If your site talks about budget pricing, then don’t be surprised if budget-focused clients reach out to you. You don’t have to say ‘we’re expensive’ but you might talk about quality, value-added services, excellent customer care or premium service. Those are keywords to say you’ll pay more, but you’ll also get more.
- The third thing is to somewhat screen out the unsuitable clients. Now, I did hear of a steak house that branded itself as the ‘worst vegan restaurant’ or something like that. In other words, we are meat and we don’t cater for vegans, so don’t come here and you won’t be disappointed. Another way is to pre-meet all clients and if you believe/feel they will be difficult, then you might not choose to take them on. Don’t feel that you have to engage every single person who crosses your doorway.
How to Manage Difficult People
- Don’t React. Sometimes difficult people act out, don’t have a filter, are taking their bad day out on you, or just are unreasonable. Maybe their complaint is reasonable, but their communication skills are lacking. Don’t mirror them; instead remain calm and try to ignore the person’s behavior. Having said that, if they are being abusive (or you’re in fear of that person) then walk away, or if over the phone, don’t accept that. Politely but firmly say you’ll be hanging up now as the conversation has turned abusive; please email or ring back later when you are able to speak appropriately. Then say ‘good bye’ politely and quietly hang up. This is setting up reasonable boundaries.
- Listen. Listening is the number one step in dealing with anyone who has a complaint; reasonable or unreasonable.
- Develop Rapport. It may sound counterintuitive to develop a relationship with a difficult person but this approach can actually be very effective. This starts with listening and taking what they say seriously (so definitely don’t roll your eyes!)
- Don’t be Defensive. You will want to defend yourself, or your team or business, when the other person is saying nasty things about you that aren’t true. Really try hard to not jump into defensive mode. In fact, if there was a mistake made, own it. Apologise and acknowledge the person has something to be upset about.
- Practice Empathy. Really do try to hear things from their perspective. It can probably be that you didn’t quite communicate best how things work, or perhaps, when you ‘stand in their shoes’ you do (if you’re being honest) agree with what they are feeling and saying. In fact, if you can be super nice, it’s really hard to be angry with someone who is being exceedingly nice.
- Don’t get into an argument. You should not ever try to convince the other person of anything – especially your viewpoint – at least not initially.
- Don’t be judgmental. You’re not sure what the other person is going through. There’s a chance that a person who is acting unreasonable may likely be feeling some sort of vulnerability or fear, or perhaps they’ve just had a really bad day. I was abused years ago by an auditor (I was his customer) and when I thought about it – realised, it wasn’t about me, it was about him – he must have been having the worse day of his life. Saying ‘hello’ probably would have gotten my head bitten off.
- Focus on a Solution. Some things are out of your control, but if there is a potential solution, then focus on that. If the person is hashing up old ‘stuff’ then even direct them to focus on this situation now, you can’t fix the past, but you can look at the current.
- Agree on a plan of attack. So, you’ve listened, recognised there is something you can do, talked to the person about that and they are (as much as possible) happy with that solution. Outline timing, what you’ll do. Keep them informed. The first step might be talking to a team member who is involved in the incident to get their perspective. Whatever you plan, be sure to do it and be sure to keep the person updated. When someone complains, this is an opportunity in disguise. You can either continue to disappoint them, or handle it well and they could potentially become your greatest advocate. Just be fair on both your business and the person with how you handle it. I’ve known people who complain just to get ‘free stuff’.
- Don’t Take Things Personally. After you’ve managed the situation, then take a big breath. Chances are you’ll be feeling riled up and upset yourself. Take a moment to reset, especially before speaking with your staff, other customers or friends and family. Don’t become the person you just dealt with. Remember, even when someone complains about your business, it’s not personal – even though I know sometimes it feels personal.
- If you can’t ‘shake it off’ then talk with someone suitable – even as a debrief. It could be your business coach, a friend who is also in business, spouse or of course your boss. If the incident happened at work and you’re not the boss, then definitely alert your boss as to what happened and what action you’re taking. If you handled the situation reasonably well, give yourself a pat on the back. Handling difficult people isn’t always easy! Good on you for not losing it, or becoming angry yourself. We are not necessarily born with the ability to manage difficult people or hard situations. Getting better at it is a combination of learning new skills and practice.
- Action Afterwards. With anything that happens in your business and there is a problem or challenge, I always like to ask myself, ‘how can this situation be improved in the future, or eliminated?’ With anything that goes wrong, I’m always about finding ways and methods (or systems) for improvement. Make this a learning experience. Whilst the person may have been very unreasonable, be honest, could you have done any better? Implement those changes for a better business in future.
As I said, sometimes we cannot control how people treat us, but we absolutely can control how we react and respond. Being aggressive, angry or hostile back at them achieves nothing and really, you’re just sinking to their standard. Be the person who is solutions focused, rather than defensive. You’ll develop a great reputation and lots of good will – whether as an individual, employee or business owner. If you need help with improving your management or leadership skills – reach out to me at my contact page – I operate Australia wide. Business coaching can be more than just money and marketing … it’s often improving soft skills too.
